


Goodnight, brother!

by sarrahdarcey



Category: ATEEZ (Band), B.A.P, EXO (Band), Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Addiction, Adopted Children, Adopted Sibling Relationship, Adoption, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Boys Kissing, Brotherly Love, Brothers, Business, Businessmen, Car Sex, Childhood Memories, Cute, Dancer Choi San, Developing Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Drama, Drunk Sex, Education, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fake Character Death, Family, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friendship/Love, Gay Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Kinks, Kissing, LGBTQ Themes, Light Angst, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Masturbation, Memories, Mental Health Issues, Modern Era, Neck Kissing, Office Sex, Parent Park Seonghwa, Parenthood, Public Sex, Relationship(s), Romance, Rough Kissing, Sad, Secret Relationship, Sex, Sex Addiction, Sex Education, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Sharing a Bed, Shower Sex, Slow Build, Slow Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-23 16:01:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30057969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarrahdarcey/pseuds/sarrahdarcey
Summary: The one where San fakes his own death to forget the feelings he had for his brother after realizing that he was adopted.
Relationships: Bang Yongguk/Choi Junhong | Zelo, Choi San/Kim Hongjoong, Choi San/Park Seonghwa, Choi San/Song Mingi, Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai, Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa, Kim Hongjoong/Song Mingi
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm new here, I am writing in wattpad, but I finally came to post my writings here, so I hope you will like them. Please, if you can help me write better, feel free to write a comment if you don't like something or... whatever. Thank you so much! 
> 
> P.S. My native language is not english, so I'm sorry in advance if there are any mistakes. Thanks! 
> 
> S.D.

I woke up to the sound of my alarm. It was that time of the year I hated the most. I turned around to find my phone and to turn off the alarm as soon as possible and when I finally looked at the other side of the bed, I saw it completely empty. I got up and took a tshirt with myself, going to the kitchen, just to see my wife standing there with a book on the table. 

"Are you still awake?" I asked her and she looked up to see me, finally realizing that I was already up. She gasped and smiled. 

“I couldn’t sleep much.” She mumbled and looked at the book. “That’s why I got up and went here to read the rest of the book.” She giggled. 

“Dana, I told you to stop reading books all night and all day here. You can read the book in the bed, you know that, right?” She smiled.

“I know, but I can wake you up and...” I rolled my eyes and she started laughing and giggling. “I’m alright!” 

“I know, but I don’t want any of my princess to be in danger.” I mumbled and stood up. “I will make myself a cup of coffee and we’re going to be ready to go to the cemetery?” 

“Of course. I will go get dressed.” She stood up and came to me graciously. “I love you, Seonghwa!” She whispered as she kissed my cheek and then she went to the bedroom to get dressed. I sighed and looked at the coffee machine. Of course! I forgot to buy flowers yesterday, so I have to buy them today before reaching the graveyard. 

After the coffee was done and already half drinken by me, I turned to see my beautiful wife standing there in a long dark brown dress and her big belly was so nicely shaped in it. I smiled looking at her and she turned around to show herself off. I told her that she looked pretty good in that dress and promised her to hurry up and get dressed too. 

“Why didn’t you tell me before that your brother was dead?” She asked as I was buttoning my shirt up. “I mean… You mentioned him twice by now, but you always told me “He’s not here,” or that he was gone. I thought that he’s not in the country.” She continued talking and I took my phone to check what the time was. 

“I don’t like speaking much about my past and especially, Sam.” I said quietly, probably she didn’t even hear the whole thing I said, but I didn’t care at this time. I grabbed my suit jacket and put it on, buttoning the only button on it and I smiled looking in my own reflection. One year I survived and one year I added to my collection of ten awful years of my life. 

“Songhwa...” She started, but I looked at her with a questioning look. 

“Are we going?” I asked and she nodded, taking her purse.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered as we were getting out of the apartament. 

On the way there, she didn’t want to bother me with her things. She kept quiet and by my opinion, she looked like she was excited to see me there. I couldn’t go alone this time, since I had someone by my side, but at the same time I wasn’t quite sure that a pregnant lady should be there too. Anyways, she wanted and by that I mean, she insisted on coming with me, so… I had nothing else that I could do to stop her. 

“So, he died in the flames?” She asked me, when we went closer to the grave. Both of us left the flowers there and she hugged me. I nodded. 

“I hadn’t the chance to see him for one last time. We had a fight and he went to one of the houses that my father had. He never came home, the last thing I heard of him was that he hated me.” I explained. “Now he thinks I hate him too.” I muttered as this was something that I didn’t want to tell her. She heard it and assured me that he knew I loved him so much. I nodded with tears in my eyes, not exactly sure if I was going to make it to work. I took my phone out of my pocket and quickly find Hongjoong, the COO of my dad’s company. His cheerful but at the same time very bold voice made me freeze for a moment. 

“Mr. Park?” He laughed on the other side of the phone. “I thought you were coming later today, aren’t you sleeping?” 

“I am coming later today. Actually… Can you handle everything on your own today?” I asked him and he made a loud “hmmm” sound through the phone. I expected him to say that we have something important today just to make me go and see him, but I knew he would leave me to rest today. 

“It’s Sam’s day today, right?” He asked me. “I see that I have to meet the interns, but I don’t think I will have to comment with you anything about them, so… I guess I will be okay on my own. Plus, I have to mee the CFO today to talk about the team building coming up this year, so I don’t think that even I have that much work today. Take your time and please, don’t be dead drunk tonight.” He said and I smiled a little bit, thinking about a time when I was at work on this day and after work both of us spent the night drinking. Of course, I drank much more than him, that’s why he was warning me today. 

“Don’t worry, I have a wife and two babies on the way, I won’t disappoint them.” I answered with a soft and lower voice. “And thank you! I will make it up somehow.” I told him and he answered me that I only had to give him the key to my garage. Hongjoong was obsessed with my pink lamborghini and no one knew why exactly the pink one. 

“Okay!” I laughed and hung up the phone, looking up to see the gravestone again. I took a deep breath and tried to calm my heart down. I could feel Dana carefully stroking my back and kissing my shoulder as if she was trying to remind me that this time I wasn’t alone here. 

“Seonghwa...” I heard a voice behind me. It was one of those voices you could never forget. I stared at the old plushie on the grave when that voice hit me hard. I gulped. I was certain, this was a dream and it was nothing more than this. Or a trick, like those my mind was doing when I was younger. I turned to see where that voice came from, but just before my sight reached the place it was coming from, I heard my own name again. This time the voice sounded more realistic. I turned my whole body and faced him. 

Sam, my brother was standing there, he was looking at me as if he was here. I looked at him from the bottom to the top and he was still standing there, wearing his beautiful and peaceful smile that he had whenever he was coming to apologise to me about something he did. I smiled and made a step forward, realizing that this wasn’t my brother. It was him, but probably just in my imagination. I was sure that he was buried and he wasn’t real. I could turn to see Dana, but the only thing I could do was to stare in his eyes where a playful flame was making shapes. This was just in my imagination. 

“Why are you here?” I asked and he smiled. 

“To say goodbye.” 

The next thing I could remember was darkness. I couldn't even understand how I got in the hospital, since the only person there was Dana and she wasn’t strong enough to hold me to the hospital. Probably she called the emergency, but I wasn’t sure and I had no idea how I could ever be. 


	2. Chapter 2

One year later

"Dana," I started, trying to hold the baby in my arms. "Please!" I almost yelled. "Hurry up, please!"

My wife was in the bathroom, taking a shower, while I was supposed to take care of the baby. Aerin was one of the twins that Dana was pregnant with, but the other baby couldn't make it through the pregnancy. At first, I was mad at the doctors, but Dana assured me that they did their best to save her and Aerin.

The baby in my hands started crying and I rolled my eyes.

"Shh..." I muttered.

It was Sunday and I had no work today, so I was spending my whole time with Dana and the baby. We were supposed to go out, but my wife asked me to help her with the baby so that she could take a shower. Of course, I wasn't doing everything as I should do it, because I simply wasn't sure what to do. I knew one thing. If a baby cries, you have to give it to his mother and leave them alone. No matter what the cry was about, I always asked Dana to deal with the little princess. I was a man that worked more than ten hours a day, six days in the week, so I had no idea what to do with the baby.

"I'm ready!" She yelled coming out of the bathroom and I smiled.

"Mommy will be here, Aerin, just wait for her..." I mumbled at the baby in my hands and looked up to see Dana wearing a long towel.

"I will go get dressed really quick and I will be back, okay?" she asked me and I nodded smiling. I was still on the sofa, holding the baby and trying not to make him cry more. I was dying for her to finally get the baby from me and make it stop crying. "Shh..." I mumbled and started making a little swing with my hands to make the baby calmer.

"I'm here..." I heard Dana and soon the baby was taken from me. I looked up and she hugged Aerin tightly. "Are you working tomorrow?"

"No, I have spoken with Hongjoong, I will skip today," I mumbled.

"I'm so sorry I can't come with you, but I can't leave Aerin with my mom now. She's going to scare her when she starts crying out of nowhere." Dana mumbled. "I have to stay with her, I'm so sorry!"

"Dana, will you stop being sorry that you're my daughter's mother and that you have to be with her?" I asked her and stood up from the sofa. "I mean I can go there on my own, it's not gonna be my first time being there on my own or something..." I said and came to kiss her on the forehead. "Okay?"

"Yes, but I promised you that I would always be there for you and I know that you need me on this day..."

I smiled.

"I will be fine. Take care of her, instead of taking care of a thirty-one years old man. Okay?" I chuckled and she nodded. "Cool. I will go get dressed, you can prepare her things and we can go out if you want to, huh?"

"Sure."

***

The next day I didn't even bother to wake up Dana. I got up so quietly, got dressed, as always, putting on a suit and a silk shirt, then I took my belongings such as my car keys and my wallet, my keys and my phone, then I left without even checking up on the sleeping baby. When I wake up I just take a quick look at the baby monitor to see how my little baby is doing and then I go out as soon as I can and as quiet as I can.

"So..." Hongjoong started as I entered the building. "You want to tell me that you're just passing by before going to see your brother?" He giggled. "You act so strangely."

"Yes, I'm here just for a minute," I said back to him, and a few of the new employees that we had in the company passed by us and greeted us. "Listen, I'm not going to stay for more than a few minutes, I need to check on something, okay?"

"Is it something about the company?" He asked me and I nodded. "Your dad?"

"It is related. Yes. I want to check up on his work here in the company. I don't think he did this on his own. It's too much." I said and he nodded. Lying to him was something I did when I had nothing else that I could do. Lying to anyone wasn't my thing at all, but right at this moment, I didn't want him to know why I was here. He shrugged and told me that after all his dad helped my dad a lot through the years. I answered with a simple nod and a smile when I pressed the button for the elevator. Hongjoong patted me on the shoulder and wished me luck with today's difficulties and went after one of the new interns.

I went to the last floor of the building where you could find two bid offices, mine and Hongjoong's. I opened my door after unlocking it and taking the key out of the locker, I got inside. The first thing that caught my attention was the wall of plushies that I made as soon as I got here eleven years ago. Hongjoong always told me that he would never feel good knowing that his office was actually meant to be for San, but I assured him that him being there was way better than me to be alone here on the sixteenth floor.

My partner was my best friend as well, he was in my class at school and he, Sam and his other friends used to spend the evenings in our house, playing games. Hongjoong was never that close to Sam or me, but after he started spending every Saturday at home we became closer and closer. Sam was mad at me that Hongjoong wasn't playing with them anymore, but he had more than ten other friends hanging out with him at this time, and I... I had only my brother and my partner.

"Are you kidding me, you took him away from me!" My brother would say if I start talking about that time. He would act like he was mad at me and at the end of the day, he would ask me to sleep in my bed because he was scared.

The wall of Plushies was for him. My little brother used to collect them. He would buy the whole store if my dad gave him that amount of money. He had a lot and one of them was in the middle. Shiber was a little soft plushie of a dog that he used to take with himself everywhere he went. I smiled.

I opened my laptop and as fast as I could I opened the browser. I had to search for something real quick.

"Park San's death" I typed and waited for the results. I searched through them all to see any kind of doubts, anything to make me believe that one year ago I saw him and I didn't dream about him when I was unconscious. Nothing helped me, but I kept on searching and reading, not realizing when Hongjoong came into my office.

The laptop in front of me was closed and I looked up just to see my partner with an annoyed look.

"I knocked. No one answered, so I knocked three times more, you didn't hear me. I entered the room, you didn't hear me. You didn't even see me!" He rolled his eyes sitting up on my desk. "Then I came closer and asked you if you were here, but you didn't say anything. Again, I asked you three times more to see if you would look up to see me, but I guess whatever you were reading was more important?" He asked me and I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. Don't speak with me if you don't want to. I had spoken with Wooyoung and he's going to meet the creditor. He's not going to answer him at this time, he's going to speak with us later. Also, I wanted to come with you today." Hongjoong said and I looked up at him.

"Why? I thought you felt bad about being at his place here in the company, so.."

"So?" He chuckled. "Seonghwa, you're still not here, aren't you?"

"No, I'm not here at all," I said and he rolled his eyes probably because he was done with me.

"Listen to me then." He sighed and started talking with a lower voice than before. "So, I thought about always skipping this day, as if nothing had happened, that's why I want to come with you and be there, stay silent for a while, just to..." He muttered and looked at me. "You know, I want to honor him."

"Okay." I nodded. "Let's go!"

I took my keys from the desk and took my coat. "What are you waiting for then?" I asked him, without even thinking for a second why he wanted to come with me. "Hongjoong?"

"We're going in my car." He told me and I shrugged.

"As you wish."

***

As soon as we arrived and we went closer to the grave, Hongjoong looked at me and made a step back. I knew that this was probably hard for him, after all the last time he had been here was when the coffin was slowly going under the thick layer of dirt. My partner placed a bouquet of flowers on the grave and looked at the stone, where his name was written. He slowly traced the carved letters and a single tear streamed down his face. I came closer to him and looked at his shaking lips. He was trying not to start crying.

"He loved you as if you were his other brother," I mumbled and Hongjoong looked at me.

"Sam was just like my baby brother, Seonghwa. You know that..." He mumbled back at me and gulped, trying to swallow not only the feelings but his own tears. "I miss him so much..."

"I know. I miss him too, but..."

"Hongjoong!" A familiar voice said. Both of us were shocked as we heard the voice. Both of us did our best to turn to the place where the voice was coming from and we saw Sam standing there. "Not again," I mumbled and Hongjoong stood up, whispering his name.

The person was looking just like my brother, with his baby skin, with his soft sight, his little nose, and those sweet lips of his. "Go away from us!" I hissed and he laughed.

"How could I go away from the people I loved the most?" Sam asked and I knew it was in my head. But in Hongjoong's head too? This was strange.

"Wait, you see it too?" Hongjoong asked me and came closer to the person standing there. They met in the middle and I could see how they hugged. "Sam..." He mumbled. "Oh my god, Sammy!"

I stood up finally making my body obey my wishes and went there too. When I was there, Sam just hugged me, leaving Hongjoong, and kissed my cheek. I felt like it was really him. I felt like it was true. Like I was really hugging my brother. I felt so good to have him in my arms again, not wanting to believe that I'm probably asleep, dreaming of seeing him once again.

"Seonghwa Hyung, I..." He mumbled. I pressed him closer and whispered to him to stop talking and leave me to hug him a few seconds more before waking up. He whispered to me that if I was going to wake up, he was going to beat my ass on some game. I could feel my tears making a wet pound on his hoodie. He pressed his lips on my cheek again and went away, looking at me.

"This is the best dream I had ever dreamt of..." I smiled and tried to hug Sam one more time, but he made a step back. "Please..." I mumbled and he sighed.

"You will hug me for the rest of my life, but now I want to know how you guys are!" He asked and looked at Hongjoong too. "How's life going for you?"

"I'm engaged, your brother's married with a kid already." He said and I could see how Sam frowned.

"So, I missed my brother's marriage and the birth of his child?" He asked and I nodded. "What else did I miss?" He asked and since no one said anything, he looked at me. "Is it Dana?" He asked me. I nodded.

"How do you know her name?"

And just after saying it out loud, I reminded myself. San's made out of my imagination, so he knows whatever I want him to know.

"I saw you with her here last year," Sam said.

"Sure. But I'm probably late and I have to wake up, so can I hug you again?" I mumbled and took Sam in my hands, after a while I felt Hongjoong hugging us and he whispered, "If you're dreaming, then why do I see him, feel him too?"

"None of you are dreaming," Sam muttered. "I'm here. I'm alive." He said and I laughed.

"Yes, you're alive whenever I dream of you." I reminded him. I wanted him to know that this was going to end soon and I didn't want him to make me believe in something. I was scared that I would kill myself if I wake up alone in the bed again.

"Are you working in Park's Log Ind.?" Sam asked me and I nodded.

"Of course. Daddy would be mad if I wasn't continuing his work." Hongjoong whispered to me that Sam was pretty realistic.

"I have risen from the dead!" Sam giggled as he used to do when he was still a child. I looked at him with a questioning look and he breathed in and out quickly. "I mean... I wasn't dead at all, but that's a long story."

When I finally went back and saw Sam again, he looked like he was going to laugh at me. He didn't even hesitate to continue hugging Hongjoong all this time. I looked at him and hearing my phone ringing I believed that I was going to wake up. But my phone was ringing there, so I hurried to pick it up. It was Dana.

"Yes, I'm fine. I will be home very soon. Yes, and kiss Aerin from me." I said and hung up the phone. was still there hugging Hongjoong and looking at me with a smile. "If you're not in my imagination, then... What had happened? Who's under this tombstone?"

"No one. The coffin is full of stones." He laughed. "I had never been dead, but I will explain everything to you as soon as you let me do it. Right now you're not ready to take all of the truth. And also, My new name is Choi San now."

"Are you sure that, you're real?" I asked and he laughed at me.

"Are you sure that your wife is real?" He asked me and I nodded. "The same is with me."

I didn't say anything. He made a step closer to me and grabbed me in his arms again.

As soon as I got home and left Hongjoong to clear his mind, I went to bed. I saw Dana coming out of the other room, where Aerin was sleeping, but I told her that I needed more sleep. It wasn't late, but I was tired of sure. It wasn't late, but I needed to clear my mind too and I had to think about what had happened today. Seeing Sam, my baby brother in my dreams was something I was used to because it was happening almost every night, but seeing him alive, straight in front of me, locking eyes with him, not only being able to grab his hand but hugging him for an hour or so, this wasn't something I was used to.


	3. Chapter 3

Thirteen years ago

It was sunny and warm in my room. I couldn’t remember when I fell asleep last night, but could remember what happened last night. I watched his naked body, only his legs covered with a thin silky sheet. The black material was making his skin look like it was a gemstone among shining black stones. I smiled a little bit and stood up to take a shower.  
When I came back, he was on his phone, probably watching something.

"Morning," I mumbled, stroking my hair with my hands. He looked at me and scanned my whole body, from my head to my toes and then looked up with a warm smile.

“If I wake up to this view every morning, I would start thinking that you’re not real,” he giggled and left his phone aside, looking at me again. “How did you sleep?”

“Like a baby!” I chuckled and came on the bed. I was wearing only boxers and that made him look at my legs and scan them as if I wasn’t watching him. He cupped my face and brought it closer to his, just to close his eyes and kiss me, like he did last night. The slow and emotional kiss became a war for supremacy, until the door was opened. Immediately we looked to the door, breaking the kiss, and saw Sam standing there with an awkward face. He didn’t say anything, he just closed the door, leaving us alone again.

  
“Do you think that he’s mad?” He asked me, but I shrugged.

  
“He’s probably scared, because he just saw his brother kissing his best friend...” I shrugged and kissed Hongjoong again. “I don’t know, but he’s not that little… He can understand it.”

  
Hongjoong just kissed me and we started making out again.

***

I was leaving the hot, almost burning my skin, water to stream down my whole body. I was scared that I would never see the boy I saw yesterday in the cemetery, but bringing back flashbacks from then would never help me.

  
I heard music coming from my phone and suddenly I assumed that it was someone calling him. After just seconds I heard Dana caling me, to tell me that Hongjoong was trying to talk with me on the phone. I rolled my eyes and turned off the shower. I grabbed the towel and put it on my waist, coming out of the bathroom. Dana was in front of the door, holding my phone and looking at me with a smiley face. I took my phone and kissed her forehead. “Thanks, honey!” I whispered and took my phone to answer my partner’s calling.

  
“HOLY FUCK!” Hongjoong yelled. “I JUST HAD A CALL WITH MR. KANG AND HE TOLD ME THAT THE DEAL IS PRETTY DAMN GOOD!” I rolled my eyes and laughed. “Yes, you’re laughing now, but have you ever thought about it?”

  
“Can I get dressed and come to work first?” I asked and he yelled no at me. I giggled. “Cool, but it’s six am and you know, my working day hasn’t started yet, so I will not talk about work...”

  
“Is your wife around you?” He asked straight ahead and I sighed. “Yes, of course. If Dana was sleeping instead of asking you with her questionable look, you would’ve just let me talk about work as long as I want.” He complained and I was about to laugh again at him, but he started talking. “Okay, listen… These creditors had spoken with Mr. Kang yesterday and they are actually willing to give us the best offer ever. They want to speak with us today and as soon as I heard about it last night, when Yeosang was the only one in the company, I just couldn't wait for you to wake up and tell you this. Ah… This is so good!” He mumbled, probably dancing happily in his living room to the music I could barely hear. I just knew my best friend way too well.

  
“Hong, I know that you’re hyped about this, but can I get dressed, drink a cup of coffee and… I don’t know, maybe… Hm, maybe be with my wife, since I’m all day with you?” I asked and he started laughing. “Of course. I will call you on my way to work, okay?”

  
I hung up before letting him speak. He was going to insist on listening to him. I looked at Danna and she was examining my body with her eyes.

  
“What did he want?”

  
“The CFO had to attend a meeting yesterday, but the company wanted to meet us and we’re meeting them today. Also, the company gave us a real good offer.” I explained and looked down at her lips. “But it’s too early for me to go to work, so I would probably make you scream first and then I will go...” I mumbled, coming closer to her and she licked her lips. I kissed her without even waiting for an answer and she kissed me back, closing her hands behind my neck. “C’mon baby...” I mumbled as I took her in my arms and held her to the bed.

***

“Hopefully,” Hongjoong started talking, but he froze. “Sam!” He pointed at somewhere, but when I looked at the place, there was no one. I sighed and he rolled his eyes. “I saw him!” He swore to me.

  
“Yes, just the way you saw him a few minutes ago.” I rolled my eyes. It was lunchtime and we were walking around the park near the company building, so that we were going to be sure that we’re alone.

  
“You can not say that we were hugging him yesterday.” He reminded me and I looked at him irritated. I wasn’t mad at him for bringing up the topic about my brother and I was always feeling good when that was happening, but today, after I saw my brother yesterday, after I realized that he was still alive, I wasn’t sure that I would be fine with talking with them for a long time today.

  
“And what if?” I asked him and he shrugged. “Are you on a diet?” I asked and he gulped. “Of course...”

  
“Well I...” He started, but I rolled my eyes. “Okay, Mingi told me that I started gaining weight again.” He spluttered it out and I inhaled and exhaled slowly and deeply. “I mean.. He’s right.”

  
“If I was your fiance, you would never hear me saying this. Plus that you’re stressed more from work, so that’s something very normal.” I explained and crossed my arms in front of my chest. “Mingi can just shut the fuck up.” I laughed.

  
“I didn't tell him about Sam...” He muttered under his breath. “I felt like… If I tell Mingi, he’s going to tell their other friends, and very soon the whole school gang of gamers will be aware of that. And then soon after that they will...”

  
“Could you stop thinking about this?” I asked him and he looked at me. “Mingi is a sweetheart, yes. But the problem is that he wants too much from you.”

  
He looked at me and raised his eyebrow. “If you weren’t ‘heterosexual’ just because your little brother saw us kissing, I would’ve probably been with you, not with him.” Hongjoong said and I looked at him.  
“Lunch is almost over. We should go back.” I told him softly and he looked at me with a smile.

  
“You know that everything is over, right?” He asked me, making me nod a few times. “Cool. Because after all, I love Mingi.”

  
“Yes, and I have a wife and a daughter.” I laughed and he poked me.

  
“Of course.” He said and then we headed to the entrance of the building.

***

Hours after the meeting with the creditors, hongjoong went home and I left for an hour more in the company to finish the documentation for the deal. Whenever I was ready, I called Dana to check if I had to buy something on my way back home, but she told me that they didn't need anything. Of course, they didn't, because earlier in the day she had called me to tell me that she went out with Aerin.  
When I was finally done with working, I grabbed my things and went straight to the underground parking lot and went to the only car I could see there.  
I was walking to my car, when I heard noises. Immediately, without thinking about it, I thought that someone was following me, so I stopped and looked back, scanning the whole area. There was no one, so I continued walking. I heard someone else's steps, so I stopped and turned to check one more time if there was someone. Again, no one was there. I rolled my eyes, thinking that my mind started playing games with me, so I continued once again.

  
"How is your wife doing?" Someone said. This voice was more than a familiar one. I turned and saw Sam, standing with a smile, not saying anything more than this. I smiled.

  
"Brother…" I whispered and smiled back.

  
"So?" He insisted on getting that answer, so i just shrugged and smiled.

  
"She's fine." I said and stretched my arms. "Come here, Sammy," I whispered and he came closer, letting me hug him. I smiled, burying my own face in his neck. He was a little bit shorter than me, so this was something more than natural for me. I gulped as I went away and looked at him. "Is it bad that I want to know everything?" I asked him and in response I got his sweet head shaking. "I want to know where are you living, what are you doing, how are you, what happened through these eleven years, I want to know everything, Sam!"

  
"My name is San, I told you. Choi San." He raised his eyebrow. "And I am working in a store. Nothing fancy, just something that could help me pay my rent and live." He explained.

  
"But I can give you a job! I can give you an apartment, I can give you money…" I started, but he cut me off. I bit my lip. As long as I wanted to help him, he wanted to make me feel guilty for being a nice brother. My eyes slowly started to fill with tears and at the first time, I didn't know what else to say, but he started talking.

  
"I don't want your pity, Seonghwa. I want to have a brother and that's it." He whispered and hugged me. I could not believe what I heard at this time. He sounded like he wasn't a kid anymore.

  
He's not a kid, Seonghwa. I reminded myself and took a deep breath, leaving him to look away from me. "Of course, but I want to help you." I muttered.

  
"But I don't need help. I only need someone to be near me." He told me, almost whispering and looked down. "I've been on my own way too long. I don't need money, I'm living well now. It's not like it was before,but at least it is enough."

  
"Sam, I can't…"

  
"San." He said and I nodded. I called him by his new name and finally continued, "San, I just can't leave my brother like that, I…" he looked around. "What's wrong?" I asked him and he breathed in and out.

  
"Let's go somewhere else to talk, huh?"

  
I was fine with that. I grabbed his hand and took him with me to my car. He knew where we were going without even asking me. I knew he was well aware of what I wanted at this time just by looking at his ridiculous smile. We went into the car and I drove off. He turned on the radio as if we were kids, listening to rock music and driving around the town just for fun. I missed those times so much, and now when I finally had the opportunity to experience it once more, I wasn't sure that I was fully ready about it.

  
He quickly found a radio that satisfied his music taste and started singing the song immediately after hearing it. I looked at him while I was driving, just for a second I wanted my eyes to see his perfect side profile while he was smiling, singing and dancing. I looked forward again and continued driving without saying a word. My brother was here.

  
"Do you remember how we used to drive around here, the music blasting in the car, both of us singing so loud, so that everyone could hear us…." He smiled and looked at me for a while. "I miss those times."

  
"Yeah, I miss them too." I mumbled. "We're almost there…"

  
"I see." He pointed in some direction and I laughed.

"Truth or dare with Hongjoong, Mingi, Chan and Yey. I kissed Hingjoong and you were mad." Sam reminded me. His name now is San. I repeated to myself and sighed. "What else?" He muttered. "Oh, over there, near the lake, you were completely drunk and mad at Mingi, so you decided to go swimming fully naked." He laughed and then looked at me. "I bet you're still as hot as you were back then, Seonghwa." I laughed.

  
"Probably a little bit older, but my body is still the same." I replied and stopped the car. "Let's get out."

  
When we were outside, I took him by the hand and he followed me. We hid in the forest as we were doing when we were kids and he pushed me to a tree. I looked at him confused and he kissed me. At first I was shocked. I didn't kiss him back, but then I realized that this was our way of dealing with shit. Whenever one of us was mad at the other, the other one would kiss him and everything was going to be long forgotten.

  
When I was eleven and Sam was ten, I felt like those kisses were making me feel strange. I tried to talk with him, but he said only that these kisses were nothing for him. Then I started telling myself to stop feeling strange about it.

  
"This is just brothers' love. It's nothing romantic or sexual, Seonghwa" he used to tell me and as soon as he went back and his lips were no longer on mine, I sighed. He said the same thing he used to and his lips went up from the one side.

  
"Were you thinking about me, Seonghwa?" Sam asked me and I felt strange. This question felt strange.

  
"What was the question again?" I asked as if I couldn't hear it properly. I could and I heard it.  
"The past eleven years I have been thinking about you every day. Were you thinking about me through this time?" He asked and made a few steps near me. I raised my eyebrow and bit my lip.

  
"Are you really asking me this? I was always thinking about that day. I was always thinking about it. I always thought that I had to make you stay home that night. I…"

  
"So, you're still blaming yourself for all of it?" Sam asked me and I looked up in his eyes. "You don't have to blame yourself." He told me and smiled. "I'm not dead after all." He reminded me and I giggled. "And the one who is responsible for my actions are mom and dad. They don't remember me." He whispered and looked away. "They don't come to my grave."

  
"Mom is in a clinic. Dad passed away soon after you that day..." I mumbled and he came closer hugging me. "I missed you." I breathed out in his neck. "I thought I would never be able to see you again…" I cried. "My little Sammy."

  
"San." He repeated. Of course, San. I could never get used to that name. I could never get used to having a brother again after all these years. "I missed you too, brother." He told me quietly and still hugged me, he kissed me on the neck. "I missed you so, so much."

***

When I came home I saw Dana sleeping on the couch with the baby monitor in her hands. I took it from her and went to leave it in the nightstand in the bedroom. Then I came back to find her huggin one of the cushions on the couch. I smiled and carefully took her in my hands, trying not to wake her up. Then I left her on the bed and she mumbled something.  
“Shh, sleep.” I shushed her and covered her with the sheets.

  
“Where were you, baby?” She asked me and I smiled, but at the same time I didn’t answer.

  
“I saw a friend.” I told her and she stood up to kiss me. Then I kissed her back and smiled. I untied my tie and watched myself in the mirror carefully searching for any trace of my brother. He was always acting like an animal, he would always bite me, just to remind me that he was my annoying little brother. The last thing I needed now was Dana to wake up and see my skit bitten by someone. She would never think that probably my brother who is dead is back and he did it. This is the reason why she would probably think that I was with a girl that night.  
I saw a text message on my phone when I went to bed. Immediately I smiled and opened it.

  
“I want to see mommy.” I smiled at his childish way to say it. I never thought that blonde hair would suit him that much and today, seeing him with his whole hair dyed in blonde, he made me feel extremely strange. I heard someone mumbling and I realized that it was Aerin. I looked at the baby monitor, but she was sleeping. Dana hugged me and kissed my neck.

  
“Is this a new cologne?”

  
“Yes, Do you like it?”

  
New cologne? I would never change the way my body smells. No new fragrances, no new colognes, no new washing powder, nothing that would make me smell otherwise. But Sam would always leave his cologne over my clothes and over my body, simply because he didn’t know when to stop hugging me. This was like that before, this would be like that till the day we’re finally separated. Hopefully this day wasn’t going to come soon.

  
“I like it.” She mumbled and rested on my chest. “I like it way too much.” She whispered before falling asleep.

  
I smiled and closed my eyes, trying to fall asleep and prepare my body for tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

I turned around with my chair to see Hongjoong standing on my door and holding a picture of me, him and Sam from when we were younger. He didn’t say anything, he came to leave it next to me and sat on my desk. He crossed his legs and licked his lips. 

“Sam texted me last night.” He said and left his phone on my desk. 

“Mingi is your fiance, right? - BabyS” 

“BabyS?” I asked and Hongjoong rolled his eyes. “He’s still using his own number?” I asked, since he texted me from another number. I rolled my eyes. “Is he talking about...” 

“I’m with Mingi, I won’t ever let him think that we’re going to have a chance.” He said and leaned back on me. I sighed loudly. “I just want you to tell him that me and Mingi are getting married this summer and...” He started but I looked at him, giving him his phone. 

“I wish I had my crush as my boyfriend, but he’s married already. Anyways, I’m happy for you and Mingi. - BabyS” Hongjoong read this out loud and looked at me. “Who’s his crush?” 

“I thought it was you, but he said that he’s married.” I said. Then I giggled. “My brother’s living on his own eleven years, his crush would be literally everyone.” I reminded Hongjoong. “But honestly, I thought that the past was buried. Yesterday he talked with me and he acted as if nothing had happened.”

“Anyways. Do you have the whole documentation? I have to scan them and send them to the creditors. Also, Mr Kang’s secretary is not here today. And I don’t know where Mrs. Kim is.” He sighed. “Actually… Have you checked your mail today?” 

I opened my laptop and the first thing I did was to check my mail. Of course, My secretary, Mrs Kim, sent me an email last night. “She’s sick.” I said and he rolled his eyes. “I think that it’s time to hire a new secretary for one of us. We can’t live with only one. Whenever she’s sick and not here for some reason, there are always some difficulties. I mean...” I started, but someone opened the door and I saw a nice young lady. 

“This is Mrs Shin. She’s the new intern along with...” He stopped as the girl came closer, whispering quietly her name. I stood up and went to greet her. When she gave me a folder with documents, she excused herself, leaving my office. 

“Do I have to tell Mingi? After all...” He started and I cut him off. 

“No! Don’t tell him. Just leave it as it is.” He rolled his eyes and stood up from my desk. 

“Anyways. I am going to work. It’s almost eight o’clock.” Awful pictures from the past haunted me and I preferred him being around me.. I prefferd him being here and talking bulshit, I preferred him being around constantly talking about his and Mingi’s wedding. I wanted to be around someone, because otherwise I was starting to think about Sam and the real reason why he faked his death. I didn’t make Hongjoong stay anyways, I was going to work too and probably this would help me get over it and forget about it.

My phone rang as soon as I heard him closing the door. I could hear his steps echoing in the hallway to his… To Sam’s office. 

My phone rang soon and seeing Dana’s name on the phone I smiled. Probably Aerin was awake and they were eating, but as soon as I answered the call, she asked me who San was. I breathed in and out, not knowing what the hell was happening. I didn’t answer her straight away. “I told you, he’s an old friend and...” I tried to say, but I heard her interrupting me.

“You know what? I’m done. You have three albums with pictures with this old friend and...” 

“I’m Sam. I’m Park Sam, Seonghwa’s little brother.” I heard his voice and froze. I wasn’t sure he was here to meet me and be with me. I wasn’t sure he was here to live happily with me and my family. He was here to do something particular, but I didn’t know what exactly. 

“S-sam?” she asked and I smiled. 

“Listen, I will be there soon.” I said, but I heard Sam’s voice. 

“No, you’re working. So, I will take Dana and Aerin with me and we will come to have lunch with you later.” I said and he giggled. I smiled immediately, imagining him giggling like he was still a kid. He wasn’t a kid. His name was San. Choi San. 

He was not a boy anymore. He was a man, a young handsome man, he was my little brother, but he wasn’t little anymore. I smiled at the thought of it. “I’m having lunch at 1pm, not now.” I said and he laughed. “Mr Park, the owner of Park Log. Ind. can’t have a break from work whenever he wants?” He asked and laughed. “Anyways, dad won’t be mad if I come and take you out for lunch. Take Hong with you and ask him if he wanted to take Mingi with him.” 

“Mingi?” I asked and he muttered something. 

“He doesn’t know, right?” 

“He doesn’t.” I answered and looked at my schedule. “But Sam, I...” 

“San.” He repeated and I sighed. 

“San, I have an appointment now. I will be free at one.” I heard him disappointed. Dana was trying to speak with me, but at this time I wasn’t sure if I was okay with them spending time together. What if he tells her about the kisses? What if he tells her about him desperately wanting to sleep in my bed? What if… The door was opened and I saw Hongjoong standing there annoyed. “San, I have to go. I will call you. Are you still using your own mobile number?” I asked, but I hung up as soon as I finished. There was nothing more important than the company. 

“The creditor’s company...” Hongjoong started, but he was interrupted by Mr Kang, who just entered the room and looked at me. 

“I’m so sorry, Mr Park...” He said quietly, coming to me. “I spoke with them, I thought that they were trustworthy. Plus that I’m...” 

“Wait, I need to know what happened!” I hissed and looked at them, switching to Hongjoong and Yeosang - our CFO. I had raised my eyebrow, but none of them looked at me. Both of them were exploring the tiles on the floor and that made me extremely angry. “I need to know...” 

“They transferred ten billion from our company money to their… I had already spoken with the bank, they will not be able to access our bank account, but...” Mr Kang came to me. “We can’t put them on court.” Mr. Kang said and gave me the files. I looked at them quickly and slowly realizing that this loss wasn’t going to help us. I hissed. 

“Fuck.” I uttered and looked at him and then at Hongjoong. 

“I’m so sorry, I should’ve...” Mr Kang started, but I cut him off. 

“I spoke with them too. Mr. Kim spoke with them as well. None of us thought that they could do it.” I said and threw the files on my desk. “Okay… Meeting at eleven. Mr Kim, I need to speak with you now. Mr Kang, please go and deal with this as fast as possible.” I said and Yeosang left quietly, but Hongjoong came closer and sat on my desk. 

“What?” He asked as soon as we were alone. 

“I want Sam in the company.” I said and he looked at me shocked. He was well aware that I would want this, since now my brother was here. I wanted to have my brother closer, Now, after what had just happened I knew that my brother would always think not twice, but even five times before making a decision. Sam was like that, he was always doubting. 

“Choi San? As who?” 

“As my new secretary, then I will make things up, I will help him graduate and then he’s going to be officially CEO like me.” I said and turned to see Hongjoong’s face. He was sure that I would want my brother here with me. He came to me and patted me on the back. “Do you know him now?” He asked and I chuckled. 

“Do I? He’s just smarter and older, he’s thinking more like an adult, but he’s still my brother.” I said and Hongjoong rolled his eyes. “What’s with this attitude now?” 

“I know him, but he’s older now… He’s smarter. And also, how out of nowhere your brother is back and at the same time a creditor’s company is interested in our company? And the deal… It was good, but before we lose ten billion just like that.” He said. 

“Sam is the same kid that he was.” I repeated and Hongjoong lifted his arms up. 

“I’m sorry, but for my dad and your dad, I want this company to be the best one. Losing that amount of money will make everything slower.” He said. 

“Let me talk with him. He’s doubtful and He would always think more before doing anything. He’s not like us, Joong, you know it.”

“And you’re hiring him as your secretary?” 

“I don’t have the permission to hire someone that’s not a graduate management position. I will raise him as soon as he starts studying. Then when he graduates I will make him my partner.” I said and he smiled. “But I’m not sure if I would be… You know, sober around him. That’s the only problem.” 

“I know that you still think about that day.” Hongjoong whispered and hugged me. “But listen… We weren’t in the town, he wasn’t alone, he was at home with your parents, we...” He mumbled. 

“Why should I go celebrate, instead of being there for my little brother?” I asked and Hongjoong shook my body. 

“He’s not dead, stop acting like he’s a miracle.” 

*** 

I waited for Sam to answer me, when I heard someone laughing outside. I could recognise Hongjoong’s voice. He was that loud whenever Mingi was here, so probably it was time to see my other friend. I was sure that behind Hongjoong’s laugh there was someone who he truly loved. I believed that Mingi was probably here. But when someone knocked on my office, I saw Dana holding Aerin in her hands. Right behind her was Sam alongside with Hongjoong’s laughing face. I looked at them as if nothing was funny. First of all, I didn’t know why they were laughing, second of all, I had to help Yeosang with the budget calculation for the next three or even more months. I knew that it would never be easy, but I hoped that Sam would always help me with the company and all the big decisions that me and Hongjoong had to make. 

“Why are you laughing?” I asked and Hongjoong hurried to see what I had in front of me. I looked at him and rolled my eyes to look at my wife and my brother. “Why are you here?” I asked them, but nobody answered me. 

“Well, it’s 1pm, you said that you will be free for lunch.” I sighed, hearing my brother’s voice. I looked down at the papers and tried to put them away, not even trying to arrange them. Then I stood up and took my phone. 

“We will eat at Bulgogi Grill?” Sam asked and I nodded. “My favorite!” He cheered and came closer to me. “Actually, I thought that you have a secretary. And also, I thought that you were more mature. What’s that wall over there?” 

“It’s a plushie wall.” I said like I was describing a wall with just one picture hanging on it. He giggled and went to take his favorite plushie. He grabbed it and caused the other to fall, which Hongjoong hated. He went there to take them from the ground and put them as they had to be. “So, you’re still the same kid that you were back then?” Hongjoong mumbled as he was placing the last one in its place. 

“I know that you hate my plushies.” Sam hissed at him and went to my desk. “So, daddy was working here? He never let me in.” 

“Sam, please...” 

“Can you finally start calling me San?” He asked me and I rolled my eyes. “Oh, Dana! Please, call me San. Choi San. I’m using this identity now, because I kind of wanted to escape from something.” He said and Dana shrugged. 

“As you say.” 

I got up finally and went to take Aerin in my hands. I played with her and kissed her, until someone took her away from me. Dana wanted to check on my daughter, but I didn’t even bother to ask her what happened again. Then I went to the door and asked if we were going to eat. I turned to see them, they all looked like none of them needed me. That moment I felt sad, because Hongjoong was now texting with someone, probably Mingi, which was now on a break too, then was Sam, who was hugging Shiber and Dana, holding Aerin. “U-hum?” I cleared my throat and the first one to look at me was Sam, leaving Shiber on my desk with a smile and coming. 

“Let’s go.” 

Then Dana and Hongjoong came after us too. 

*** 

“Why did you want to stay in my office?” I asked Dana, when we were entering our house. She didn’t say anything. “I mean… I had to meet one of my clients today and I told him not to come, because I was busy babysitting you and Aerin?” I was irritated and she left the baby to sleep and came to see me in the kitchen where I was chopping vegetables. 

“What do you want me to do? Sam or San whatever this guy was, I’ve seen one of the albums and I know that you were close. Your brother is dead and...” She started and I left the knife on the counter looking at her and raising my eyebrow. I was ready to leave as soon as possible. 

“Cool, do you know what?” I asked and she mumbled something. “That’s right, I’m leaving you to have dinner on her own. There’s still sushi in the fridge. I’m not going to cook today.” I went to the table and took my phone and my wallet. “See you tomorrow.” I said and went to the hall. I grabbed the jacket I had left there earlier and put my shoes on. I heard Dana whispering my name, so I turned to see her. 

“I just want you to tell me the truth… I know that you’re not straight, I know that you had a lot of boyfriends before me, I just want to know if he’s your ex, or...” I sighed and she went away. 

“No, he’s not. And I’m not coming home tonight, take care of Aerin!” I went out and seeing my driver I waved at him. 

“To where?” 

“Go inside of the car and start driving, I will tell you!” I said and both of us went in, him first opening the door for me and closing it after I was already inside. I called Sam and while I was waiting for him, I cursed. I wasn’t like that before, I wasn’t putting anything before Dana and Aerin. But when I was younger the first thing that mattered for me was Sam and this is still the way it is. “SAM!” 

“Seonghwa?” He asked and I sighed. 

“I want to see you. Can I stay with you for the night?” I asked, trying to hold my anger. “I’m mad and I want you to hug me all night long...” I said but he giggled. “Please?” 

“Yes, but I’m not home now… Can we meet at the CaFace?” He asked me. Of course, I was okay with whatever he wanted me to do. If he wanted me to take him from there, I would take him from there. 

I hung up the phone and told my driver to drive to the cafe. I wasn’t ready to start speaking about me and Sam and our relationship to Dana. I was sure that she would try to call me once or twice later, so I put my phone to silent mode. I started watching the streets and the people that were there until we were there. 

The first thing I spotted was Sam with a guy, giggling and hugging him. Anger filled my body, but I reminded myself that we’re brothers and he was free to be with everyone he wanted to. 

“No way!” Sam said as he entered the car. “Mr Kim!” He greeted the man and as soon as the guy looked at him, he froze. 

“Park Sam?”

“Choi San. But I missed you, mr Kim!” He said and looked at me. “And you… Why are you mad? What happened?” I didn’t answer. “Seonghwa?” 

“Who was that guy?” I asked him and he laughed. “What? Why are you laughing?” I kept on asking him. “Who is that guy? And why are you hugging him?” 

“Okay, buddy… I’m an adult, you don’t have to act like I’m five years old...” He rolled his eyes. “Can we go home?” Sam looked at me and wanted me to say yes. I nodded. 

“We’re going home.” I said to the driver and he started driving again. 

“Home, as your parent’s home?” He asked and after I nodded, Sam lied down on my legs and smiled looking at me. 

“Is Dana who made you mad?” He asked and I rolled my eyes and looked away. I didn’t want to look at him, but at the same time I wanted to capture this moment, so I started doubting. I didn’t know what was better, me to look at him, or me to ignore him. At the same time I wanted to just have him pressed to my body, lying on my chest and hugging me like I was shiber. 

“I know that you’re sad now, but please smile!” I heard him and I couldn’t help but smile. Sam… San took my chin down and looked at me. “You’re mad, I know how to cheer you up.” He said and got up to kiss me. The kiss was fast, childish and I wasn’t sure I was satisfied with it, so I chuckled and caressed his long blond hair. 

“What was with this guy?” 

“We work together.” He said and slowly touched my cheek. “Brother, your skin is still that soft and smooth, that touchable and...” I pressed a finger to his lips. “He knows how we act when we’re together.” He rolled his eyes and looked at the driver. “Hey, Mr Kim, you remember how Park Seonghwa used to be strange around me?” 

“I remembered that you kissed each other to stop fighting.” He said. 

“Cool, huh?” Sam chuckled. “So, it’s not weird, so let me calm you down.” He whispered and kissed me. This time the kiss wasn’t fast and quick, it was slow and somehow it made me feel extremely hot at this time. 

_ San, his name is San. He’s not the little Sammy anymore, Seonghwa.  _

“So, you’re sleeping with me in my room, or...” 

“I prefer sleeping in the bedroom actually.” I said and he laughed out loud for a while. I knew exactly what he was thinking about. Once we spend the whole night in the bedroom cuddling. And that day the cuddling was my first and his first time. 

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

I woke up. A weight was on my chest and the first thought that popped up in my head was that on my chest was lying Dana. I looked down, but I saw Sam. I looked around and realized that we were in our parents’ bedroom. Suddenly all the memories from the night we spent together came back like a hurricane. I chuckled and caressed Sam’s head with a smile. 

“You want to talk about it?” He asked and I looked away from him. “You didn’t say a word last night. I thought you fell asleep, but you weren’t sleeping...” He continued. I couldn't stop thinking about all I had heard last night. 

*** 

“No,” Sam fell on the bed and breathed in. “I missed it being here!” He sighed and looked at me as I was pulling out the curtains. 

“I knew you would miss it, but I wasn’t sure that you would feel good to be here after all of it.” I muttered and he grabbed my hand pulling me over himself. I rolled him over and laughed. “Don’t make me tickle you!” I warned him, but he grabbed my body and pulled me over his body again and took my hand to kiss me. I kissed him back and he smiled like he did every time when we were kids.“So, will you tell me?” 

“What?”

I looked at his jacket. “New name, fake death?” I asked and he sighed, sitting on the bed, crossing legs. “So?” 

“Uh...” He mumbled and nodded. “I… I will tell you, but you’re not going to tell anyone. Okay?” Sam told me and I nodded. “I was an addict and my dealer used to give me drugs sometimes, but he wanted the money. One day I had just half of the money and friends told me that he was going to kill me if I didn't give him the rest the same day. So, I made everything up with a little help from Jongin...” 

“Jongin?” I asked and he rolled his eyes. “Didn’t I tell you to stop spending your time with him?” 

“You went to celebrate who the hell knows what with Hongjoong!” Sam reminded me, so I had nothing else to do than to sigh and let him continue. “Anyways, so… We did everything, then I spent the last money I had from dad to change my name and I changed my appearance. Since then I’m blonde.” He touched his hair. “I stopped doing drugs, because I was always broke, then I met Hyunjin, he helped me.”

“Hyunjin?” I asked and he smiled. “Yes, the guy you saw me with today.” 

“Ah, the guy I got jealous from...” I reminded myself without telling him anything and looked away. I was getting angrier. “Are you still friends with Jongin?” I asked. 

“Yeah.. I mean… we’re not close as we were, but we still talk from time to time.” He explained. 

“And you decided that it’s not important to tell your brother about all of this?” 

“You would think that I was an idiot.” He said and I raised my eyebrow. 

“Yes, but I wouldn’t be down these ten fucking years. It’s good that Aerin has been helping me the last one year, but...” I said and he placed his finger on my nose. I smiled and thought that this what we had at this time was something that only me and him would ever have. 

“I will go get ready for bed.” I said starting to walk to the bathroom that our parents used before. When I went there I tried to close the door, but Sam had run after me. He came closer to me and pushed me to one of the walls. He was smiling, and this smile was something new for the past few days, but not new for him. He would always smile at me like that and come to kiss me intentionally. 

“Probably we should...” I started, but I felt his lips over mine. I pushed him away and looked down at my toes. “Sam, we...” 

“My name is San, and yes, we should probably stop, but I can’t...” He breathed out and kissed me again. I tried to push him, but every cell in my body screamed that I had to do it. I had to kiss my brother in a way I haven’t been since so long. 

Hour or so later I was on the bed with a racing heart, short of breath and tired as if I had been working out for the last one hour. Sam was barely breathing, looking at me with half a smile on his face. He closed his eyes slowly and then opened them again and smiled at me. "So fucking good." He whispered and I nodded. 

"But we can't do this every time…" I said sadly. "We…" 

"We, we, we, we… we can do whatever we want to, Seonghwa!" He hissed and stood up. "Are you really going to ruin the whole night?" 

I didn't answer. No, I didn't want to ruin anything. Yes, I wanted this to continue. Yes, I needed to be with him. 

"We're not brothers." San said. "I have never been an addict, I did it to escape." 

"Escape what exactly?" I asked him, not even realizing his words. I heard him, I accepted everything, but my mind wasn't ready to believe all of this. 

"I shouldn't be talking about this…" he mumbled and stood up to go to the big window. He was naked and surely, someone would see him, but it wasn't that early and it was dark in the room, so probably no one could see him. "I found the files. I'm raised by your parents, but I'm not related to you." He said. 

"Sam, you're my brother.." 

"Then why are we having sex and, not even for a while we don't feel guilty? Why don't you feel like you're fucking your baby brother?" He asked and I shrugged. I had sex with my brother. I tried to convince myself that this was something very normal. I tried to make myself realize that this wasn't cheating. I gulped. "I wanted to go away from you. I couldn't tell you that I wasn't your brother. I couldn't tell you that even though we acted like brothers, I was desperately hoping that we weren't brothers." He told me and looked at me, turning his whole body and making me feel my boner getting harder. I gulped again and bit my lip. 

"Why do you have to be naked?" I asked and he leaned back on the window. 

"When I saw you and Hongjoong to kiss I felt extremely uncomfortable. It's not because I saw you kissing him, it was because I felt bad for not being in his place. I felt bad and that night I got drunk and slept with Jongin. He said he had been in love with me since we started playing games at home and I ran away from him as quickly as I could. Then I saw him at school and he was with someone else, so we finally started talking again. But I kept on seeing you with Hongjoong. I felt like I was going crazy. Whenever I saw two boys making out it was both of you In my head." 

"W-we were p-playing…" I stuttered. "It was a game." 

"Sure." San came back to me. "But think about someone desperately falling in love with you, seeing this every day… think about me, trying to fight my own feelings, my own desires…" he turned to see me and I saw him crying. I felt bad, like something deep inside of me broke, just like I had broken his heart back then. 

"And you fucked me right here when…" I started and he started laughing. 

"I fucked you? I fucked myself on top of you, Seonghwa!" He said and sighed loudly. "You don't know how hard it was to be here, knowing that you will never be mine. You don't know how hard it is to know that you have the moral obligation to be with someone and not his love. I had you, but you so desperately wanted to be my brother, so I was scared that I will break you if I tell you their secret. I decided on moving away from you and from them, just to make them think about it, I wanted them to tell you that I wasn't your brother. I didn't want to be the one to tell you the truth. It wasn't my job to do it." 

"So…" I said. "Did you find your family?" I asked as if our situation wasn't important to me. I knew he would be mad for trying not to talk about us, but I didn't know how I would convince myself that I had to act like he was my brother and nothing more than this. 

"No." He came to me and sat in front of me. His fingers ran through my cheek and touched my lips. He was smiling. "But that's not that important, the important thing is that I have to stop thinking that I can have you. I can't, not anymore." 

I should ask him why, but I knew why. I should be the one to say what he had just told me, but I wasn't ready to lose him again. I should be the one to think more like an adult, but I wasn't ready, because I knew what would happen. I didn't know how I should be the one to think, since I finally had Sam in my hands. 

*** 

“Seonghwa?” I heard someone calling me. I looked up and saw Hongjoong standing right in front of me. “What’s happening?” 

“Nothing.” I assured him and took some of the papers in front of me to ‘start working’. He sighed and grabbed my chin and made me look at him. “I am fine.” 

“You look like you’re going to start crying.” He whispered, but I shook my head with his hand still holding my chin. “Okay then, I will go and take something to eat. It’s almost two o’clock and you haven’t eaten yet.”

“I don’t want to eat.” I said and he laughed at me. “What? I really don’t!” I mumbled and he raised his eyebrow, obviously not believing in my words. 

“What happened to you?” 

*** 

Earlier that morning me and San were lying on the bed. He licked his lips and looked at me. 

“That’s the last time?” He asked and I nodded. I closed my eyes, thinking about what had just happened. A smile appeared on my mouth, but I wasn’t ready to accept the truth. “It’s good to have one more last time, since we had it so long ago...” He said and I stood up. “Where?” He asked and while I was putting on my pants, I chuckled. 

“To work.” I simply answered not even looking at him at this time. “Remind me to never come here with you.” I said, putting on my shirt. “How can I keep screwing my brother?” 

“I’m not your brother. And I didn’t realize that this was a problem to you back then...” San stood up and went closer to me. I looked up to see him and nodded. 

“It was.” 

“It wasn’t. I can prove it, don’t make me bring every memory you have with me to your mind.” San whispered, touching my chin. “I know I’m younger and I know that I have to stop thinking that I’m more adult than you, but I can’t stop...” He couldn’t continue, his eyes got watery and he looked down. “I can’t stop thanking to whoever made Mingi propose to Hongjoong, because I’m so jealous of him...” 

“San...” I whispered and he let his hand go slowly down, leaving my skin. 

“Don’t say it!” He begged. I didn’t, but he continued. “I know everything, Seonghwa. I know that you can’t be with her for long, I know that you’re trying to resist every man in your life. I know you don’t like people around me, especially if they have something long between their legs… I know you, Seonghwa, I know you way too much to say otherwise.” He whispered and finally looked up into my eyes. “I know that I should leave you, because you’re still confused, probably still questioning your sexuality Just like it was before. I know that I’m never going to be the one you will love the most, I know it.I know that you’re not going to say anything, because I know how scared you are to lose me again. I know I should’ve kept this a secret. If I did, you would never think to sleep with me, just because I was your baby brother. Now after you know that I’m not, you're willing to do everything with me. And since I’m still not over the fact that I liked it the most with you… We’ll never stop this. We’re weak. Both of us are too weak to forget about each other.” 

“San, we have to stop, you know this.” I managed to say and he looked away. I was breaking seeing these watery eyes. “But I can’t lose you now. Please, be here, be my brother. Be here for me, let me be there for you… As brothers.” I asked and gulped. “Be the uncle of my Aerin and please don’t fight with Dana.” 

“I have to think whether I can or cannot be around you without having you that way.” He said and I bit my lip. It was hard for him and I was well aware of that. It was even harder for me. 

“It’s hard for both of us, but let’s keep our life simple.” I asked and he nodded. 

“Get dressed. Probably Mr Kim is waiting for you already.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I will update as frequent as I can, I have a lot of work, so I'm sorry if I am updating it slow. I hope you will like it and please, uf you see any mistakes or something that can help me write better, make sure to comment so I could be able to improve my writing.  
> Thank you! I hope you will like it. I have no idea how long this story will be, but one thing I know for sure...  
> Everything will change.


	6. Chapter 6

San's POV

"AGAIN!" I yelled and everyone looked at me. I threw my phone on the floor and looked around. I wasn't calling anyone, I was just checking the time, and for now, I wasn't satisfied.

"San, I think you..." I heard my partner say, but only with a glance at him, he shut up. "AGAIN!" He yelled at the others and I played the music from the beginning.

I watched everyone's moves when I felt a hand caressing my back. "You seem a little off these days. What's happening?" my partner asked me. I turned to see him and he was looking like he was a little puppy. "Did you find your family?"

"Shota, you're wrong again," I yelled and after leaving Hyunjin I went to show one of the boys in my dance group the choreography. "Left, left, right... One, two, three, four...." I said as I was dancing.

"What's up with Choi San?" Someone asked and I didn't pay attention to anything, but the dance and the boy next to me that was looking like he was losing his shit. "I don't know, he's not getting enough sex, haha," someone else said, but I kept quiet.

"Understand?" I asked and the boy nodded. "Show me!"

After I watched him carefully, his choreography looked better than before, so I nodded. "AGAIN!" I yelled and Hyunjin turned on the music. Unexpectedly, someone opened the door and My attention was there at the exact moment. That made Hyunjin say to the others that they have to take a rest. I looked at the person and couldn't believe my eyes. I looked at him like I was looking into a ghost.

"Hello, San." He said and shivers went down my spine. I gulped.

"G-guk?" I whispered. "What's happening! What brought you here?" I asked, trying to look not like I just shit my pants. I gulped. "Do you want us to talk outside?" I asked and he nodded. "Sure, just a minute!" I looked at Hyunjin, who looked like he didn't know what to do. "Practice this dance till I'm back. Shota, you will be the best of the rest, right?" I asked and the long-haired boy nodded with a small smile. "Cool." I took my jacket and went alongside Youngguk.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as soon as we went out. I took out a cigarette and quickly lit it up. He looked at me and I shrugged. "What?"

"Are you still smoking? I thought we had a talk about it."

"Look, Youngguk, I know we had a talk, I know everything that you're going to tell me now, but I'm not in the mood. So, please, say what you have to say, I have practice going on." I said quickly and hurried to make him speak. He didn't, instead, he took the cigarette from my fingers and threw it on the floor, stepping on it. He bent down to take it and throw it in the bin nearby. I looked at him through all of this time. I wasn't ready to believe what had just happened.

"Listen, I know that you have to stop smoking and it's hard for you. I know that you're dancing to forget the desire in your veins, but smoking is not helping at all." He said and I nodded, taking out another cigarette. I lit it up and took a drag of it, while he watched me.

"Tell me why are you here!" I asked and he smiled. "Yongguk, you have to speak if..."

"You want me to speak? Well. Let's say that since I saw you the other day, I couldn't stop asking myself, are you doing well, are you still fighting... I wanted to check up on you."

"You saw me?" I asked and he nodded. "Where?"

"You were going home." He said and I took a deep breath in relief. "So, I don't want you to feel bad, but I...." I took a drag of my cigarette again and he came closer.

"You?" He took the cigarette out of my mouth. "You? It's always what people want, it's always about how people feel. But it's never about me. It's never about my decisions. And smoking is one of them. I swear that I stopped doing it, please give me my cigarette." I begged and he looked me on the lips.

"Here," he said and put it between them. I grabbed it immediately with my fingers and looked at the ground. "I wanted to know that everything was fine." He said and I nodded.

"It is," I assured him. "I'm dancing, I'm not doing anything I shouldn't be doing, I'm living and I'm a whole fucking man, so please stop checking up on me out of no fucking where!" I yelled and went back into the hall, where Hyunjin was still repeating the song and all the people were dancing.

"Enough for today. I'm tired. Aren't you tired?" I asked and Hyunjin stopped the music. He came to ask me if everything was fine, but I cut him off before he had begun speaking. "Please, take a shower, get dressed and leave as soon as you can. Shota, please come!" I asked the guy and he came making small steps, while everyone else was slowly walking away through the door leading to the lockers' rooms. "Listen, I know that you're the newest guy here, but this dance is important. We're doing it in front of a whole stadium next month, so please, I need you to think more and listen to me. If you need more practice, you can come earlier or leave later, I will do everything you need me to. I will stay here 24/7 if this is the cost to have you in that dance. I'm sure you can do it, but please, practice more." I asked and he nodded.

"Sure, Hyung. I will be more careful and I will think more about it." He said and I smiled. "Go get ready to go home and take some rest. See you tomorrow!"

He waved at me, leaving and Hyunjin sat next to me on the desk. "I wonder what was this man doing here..."

"Checking up on me," I answered. "I want to dance."

"What song do you want me to play for you?" Hyunjin asked and I answered with the one that kept spinning around my head like a fly around shit. "Sayonara Hitori?" He asked for confirmation. He didn't believe me or what?

"Yes," I nodded.

He played the song and my body felt the music taking control over it. It was nothing more than me, the music and the song. I was singing quietly, but after a while, I just played down on the floor and started singing louder and louder.

Surely you are waiting from far away  
If you come and get me,

However far our tomorrow will be

Time will tediously go on until then

While being frightened for the eventual day we say goodbye

rather than being by your side,

Having dreams embracing each other,

are you happy with how things are right now?

I sang out and let all my tears go down. Hyunjin tried to come closer, but he didn't dare to ask me what was happening. He knew I didn't talk about my past. About my past before I realized who I was.

"Do you want water?" He asked and I stood up nodding. When he was back holding a glass of water, he passed it to me and sat next to me. "You have to sign in a competition. You can sing very well, you dance extremely well... Or just try to sign up for a label..."

"I don't want to," I spoke and drank the whole glass of water.

"Are you sad because of the guy that came or the guy that took you out last night?"

"The guy that took me out," I said and he smiled a bit. "Why?"

"I'm curious. Since I don't know much about you... You never tell me who you are going out with..."

"You don't tell me who's the guy that's holding you while you sleep, so I guess that it's fair, isn't it?" I asked and stood up. "Let's go. I need some rest and a long bath in the tub... " I mumbled and he giggled. "What?"

"You're really thinking that I will forget about what you have to tell me?" He asked me and I shrugged.

"I don't think, I just know that you will never be the one to start speaking about his boyfriend, so why should I?" I laughed and took my other t-shirt, heading to the locker room.

"His name is Jisung," Hyunjin said, but I just smirked and left him speechless, going into the locker room to get dressed and go home as soon as possible.

Seonghwa's POV

"Did you talk with Sam?" Hongjoong asked me while he was closing the door and locking it. "I mean... He's going to really help us out of this..."

"I haven't." I cut him off and headed to the elevator. "Actually, I'm not very sure that this is a good idea," I said and he came closer. While we waited he was silent, but as soon as we stepped into the elevator, he looked at me. "What?"

"Are you really thinking that I can believe you? You adore him, you missed him and you will never skip such an opportunity. Also, you were very excited while you were talking about it just a day ago." Hongjoong whispered. "Did he say something to you? I will kill him, if..."

"Stop," I said. "He didn't. I am just thinking about it still. Okay?" Hongjoong nodded. "I have to go home. Dana's probably waiting for me."

***

"I'm home!" I said and I heard someone walking towards me. Probably it was Dana, so I started taking off my shoes and my jacket. I saw a man's shoes that weren't mine next to the shoes' shelf. "Dana?" I asked and turned to see San. "San? Where's Dana?"

"She's sleeping. Apparently, Aerin didn't let her sleep last night and she was dying for some rest. I took care of Aerin." He whispered.

"What's happening with you? Your eyes look like you've been crying..." San made a step away and looked at his reflection in the mirror nearby. He watched his face closely and carefully for a few seconds, then he looked at me and shrugged. "Maybe I'm tired too. I've been working all day, I need some rest too." He said, but I was certain that he wasn't just tired. "I will go and take a bath. I need it."

"You can sleep here. I will make the guest room for~" He came extremely closer to me.

"I'm not sleeping here, okay?" He asked and I nodded.

What happened with you, San? What happened with your childish behavior? What happened with the way you acted? What happened with everything you liked to do?

"Seonghwa, I'll need a towel."

He wasn't near me anymore. He was almost in the bathroom, the one that was on the first floor. I looked at him entering it without a shirt on his back. I took a deep breath. "Go in the bathroom, I will bring one for you in a minute."

"Sure!" He said and closed the door. I thought about Dana while I was going upstairs to see if she was sleeping. I opened the bedroom door and saw her hugging a pillow. She was sleeping and at this time she looked so peacefully dreaming of something nice. I smiled and went to kiss her forehead. I left her, entering the next room to check on Aerin, who was also sleeping. She was lying on her back, so I went closer to look at her from the top. I smiled and she turned her head to one side. I bent over and kissed her gently and when I got up I smiled.

"I love you, little!" I whispered and left the room as quietly as I could. I went out and went into one of the closets, where I searched for towels. I found one pink towel and immediately thought that San would love this one. I grabbed it and went downstairs to leave it in the bathroom for him. I opened the door and saw his back. His bare butt. He turned to see me and he was smiling.

"Is Dana sleeping?" He asked and I nodded.

"Here's the towel you asked for," I said and left it on the hanging. He approached me and stepped in front of me. I looked up and down his body, returning back to his eyes. "San?"

"I like how fast you started calling me with my new name." He smiled and placed his head on my chest.

"It's important to you. I try my best." I whispered, looking down at his hand pressed to my chest. I couldn't help but see his perfect body, his member. I gulped and I bet, he smiled. He enjoyed seeing how I couldn't resist him. I enjoyed seeing myself melt under his touch.

"San, we're not doing it anymore..." I whispered. He just chuckled and grabbed my face. "San...." I whispered before his lips slowly touched mine. I couldn't say anything more than this, he started kissing me. I grabbed him, kissing him back. His body in mine felt like I was holding a baby. I pressed him to the wall and deepened the kiss, hearing his small moans through it.

Seonghwa, think about it! THINK!

I tried to make myself calmer. I closed my eyes so that I won't be able to see him, but my imagination made me imagine pictures. Long forgotten, or long desired, both were right for this time. I squeezed his butt and he moaned a little harder. He broke the kiss and started kissing my neck and my ear, making me feel like my legs weren't able to keep me up.


End file.
